Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Love


Me and my son
(August 13, 2004, Uralsk, Kazakhstan)
Photo by my wife


You wanna destroy the world? Do something loving.

No, really.

The world as it was up until that point will cease to exist. It will be replaced with something entirely new and amazing.

I loved someone once (among other times). He didn't like me very much the first day, but I was actually prepared for that. The photo you see above was taken the second day, when the two of us finally made eye contact and more or less agreed to put up with each other for the duration.

The result five years down the road is a dynamic, constant, mutual exchange of devotion and growth, frustration and resolution, communication and joy. I'm not sure which one of us has been transformed by it more. Fatherhood is a fascinating beast. Sure, Alex is not the little boy he was when we adopted him. But then again, I'm not the man I was when I landed in Kazakhstan to meet him. The world I knew ceased to exist that day.

Love changes everything. It is a radical, transforming, impenetrable, monolithic, violent, dangerous, unpredictable, radioactive fire of a billion suns. You get a choice: either learn to direct it well as it destroys what is wrong, or you will unintentionally destroy others by it, or you will be destroyed by it.

This Christmas, how will your love destroy the old world? I wonder what the new one that replaces it will look like.

You have your assignment. Go!

This post is now part of Bridget Chumbley's
One Word at a Time Blog Carnival: Love
December 28, 2009

It is continued in part two...

Comments (24)

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Candace Sargent's avatar

Candace Sargent · 791 weeks ago

I was right not to ever expect you'd simply dip your toe in the water; it seems everything with you is "the Nestea plunge" approach;) Ennnnnnjoy!!
3 replies · active 791 weeks ago
It's not entirely my fault! The water sorta begs me in.

But Nestea? Well, it's ok in desperation, but I'm sure I could do better. :)

(Admittedly, Diet Peach Snapple is a bit of a vice, I suppose. Ooooh, I'm such a renegade!)
Candace Sargent's avatar

Candace Sargent · 791 weeks ago

"Take the Nestea plunge" was an infamous line that meant "I'm alllll in!" I can imagine the grief you gave your teachers..being a renegade n all;) Seriously, congrats on adopting your son...what an experience!! My son is 6' 9" and was an LOL trip to raise, "Honey, you're too short to reach the ceiling." 'No mom, the ladder is too short.'
Your son sounds like me. Smart aleck. :)

Yeah, I vaguely remember the Nestea commercials. I was around in the 70s, watching the Muppet Show, and also M.A.S.H. and Star Trek in syndication.
I loved this post. It is so endearing! There is nothing like parenting. It rocks your world. It's fun and scary, fulfilling and frustrating, it's every emotion.

Merry Christmas to you & yours.
1 reply · active 791 weeks ago
Thanks, Kelly!

I gotta admit that for those days when I'm a SAHD, blogs from you and your crowd are lifesavers, too!
I'm always amazed at how much parenting has changed me. Add to that the extra layer of adoption and the cross-cultural experiences we had in China, and I'm a completely different person than I was ten years ago!
1 reply · active 791 weeks ago
So you said something on Twitter today about paperwork. Was that just followup paperwork for the State Department or the agency or China or whatever, or are you doing this again?
Love it. Thank you for sharing your adoption story, and thank you for adopting! It's such a beautiful thing.
1 reply · active 790 weeks ago
Thanks!

And wow...I just bounced over to your blog and read your testimony. Holy mackerel. I thought I had a tumultuous childhood because my parents made me go to bed at 8pm until I was 12.

By the way, the Shakespearean reference you make is the first thing I thought of when I found out what the blogword of the day was (but I'd already written this). I wouldn't know that sonnet except for Emma Thompson in "Sense and Sensibility." I love that scene. :)

And as I was thinking about it earlier today, it struck me likewise that it's pretty much a precise retelling of 1 Cor 13. It "looks on tempests and is not shaken." In other words, "love never fails."

I love love. I mean, not idolatrously. I'm just very glad that it exists. (I suppose it didn't have much of a choice. It's a natural outpouring of the identity of the Divine.)

Our in-depth story of our journey to Kazakhstan was posted publicly at http://jeffholton.com/alex. Feel free to check it out.
I enjoyed the way you said 'love changes everything'! It is a painfully truthful description of the good, the bad and the ugly parts of love...

What a wonderful story, thanks for sharing, Jeff.
1 reply · active 790 weeks ago
Thank you, Bridget. And thanks for hosting today!

Under the circumstances, I'd say your impromptu, unexpected hostage [that's a word I just made up, meant to rhyme with "postage"] was itself an act of love.

I received an email from Peter today, in response to a weak attempt I made to encourage him. He's missed, of course, but it's very good and proper and right that he be very close to his wife's family right now. Thanks for stepping in!
Adoption is such a great example of what experience in salvation! Wonderful story, and such a great photo, as well!
1 reply · active 790 weeks ago
Thanks, Jake. Welcome aboard!
The expression on your son's face -- he knows his dad. And you wouldn't trade that for anything. Good post.
1 reply · active 790 weeks ago
Hey Glynn. Thanks!

There is some trust in that photo, I guess. It's pretty amazing. He really HAD known me for less than 24 hours, and hadn't seen very many men in his life. He was terrified of me (which we were told to expect) the first day. It usually takes two to three weeks to get over that.

This was the previous day...

http://www.jeffholton.com/baby/photos/photos-08-1...

...and yes, the reaction was specifically instigated whenever he'd look at me.

He's a fast learner.

This one was a few months ago...

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4049592&amp...
I found you from Bridget's blog carnival. Wow. I love this post. A child does change it all and love always wins. Thank you for saying that so eloquently.
love seeing that eye contact that you were going for.
also, i like your thoughts of how Love can destroy...the dark world.
I Love your thoughts on the power of Love to radically change everything -- it stops the past from moving into tomorrow and creates room for something new and wondrous and magical today!

Great post.
Love does change everything!
I enjoyed this post!
1 reply · active 790 weeks ago
Thanks, Melinda! I'm glad you stopped by.
What a beautiful child!! God bless you both!
Hi Jeff,

Gotta love our stubborn Uralsk boys. Wary at first and then whole-hearted when they decide we are okay. We passed 7 years with Declan this past December and parts I remember like yesterday (or better).

I agree with your blog today - love and change the world for the better thus destroying the world we have today and replacing it with a better one. Our minister expressed a very similar idea a couple months ago and she was quoting from someone else I think. It is such a simple idea and yet such a radical one too. Scary to think about but once it is done, it seems the most natural thing in the world.

Just rambling now. Thanks for posting.
Becky - another Uralsk and WPA parent.
Well, I'll represent 2010...

I love adoption stories... My sister is adopted, and I can't imagine life without her. And many of my friends have adopted children... It's such an amazing thing to me, to know that someone's life has been rescued.

So happy for you, and for Alex. Amazing.

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